kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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