I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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