I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
