She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
