dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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