Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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