me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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