the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
