I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
