Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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