Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
