So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
