Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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