God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
