Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
