WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
