You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize