just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
