i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
