Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you traded sex for a burrito?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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