Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
