Your face is a jimmy john
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
