then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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