As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
