Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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