Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
