i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
