that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
