watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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