You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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