wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
