Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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