She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
