this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
