Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
