Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
