Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
