Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
