Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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