but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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