I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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