So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
