Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
