you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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