I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
