Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
