I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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