i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
