No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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