im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
