i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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