I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
