The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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