What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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