State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize