walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
