I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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