i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
