A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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