the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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