its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
