spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
