Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize