yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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