How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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