I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize