my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
