dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
