OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize