Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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