every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
