He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
