Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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