i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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