She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
