Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
