You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
