Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My dick has a subreddit
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
