Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
