u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
