if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
