When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
