He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
