I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Randomize
