Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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