Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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