god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize