my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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