Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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