I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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