I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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