god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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