I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He shit in the fireplace
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
