is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
