If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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