Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
