Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
