i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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