guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
