I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
